I’ve gotten numerous comments on my lack of enthusiasm and smiles in my makeup videos for some time now and I’ll say it right now, I find it annoying and honestly bit hurtful as well. The two artists over at pixiwoo, who I find to be absolutely amazing, hardly ever smile either, yet I don’t know why it seems that it’s just me who is constantly being singled out for not smiling. For one, being forward and to the point IS part of my personality. I’m just a mellow, laid back person, always have been. I’m not one to say 1000 words per minute nor am I a drama queen. My purpose of making beauty videos to begin with is to strictly be informative. I take a lot of time with my videos and to have people focus purely on my personality is discouraging since that’s not why I make videos anyway. People may not be aware how much I plan for my makeup videos. I’m always brainstorming with looks I want to do, make a list for them, add on Google calendar when I plan to upload X look, then plan when I’m going to apply and film X look in my physical planner. I plan everything since it helps me with time management.

I’m also not one who craves to be the center of attention. I don’t want to be a singer, actress, model, TV show host, reality star, etc. I know there are a number of people on Youtube who are looking to be in the entertainment industry, but I am not one of them. I admittedly don’t have stage or on camera personalities. Some people do, I do not. I don’t have that charisma in front of a camera that Ryan Secrest has and I’m perfectly fine with that. I hate to break it to some people who aren’t aware, but Ryan Secrest looks so cheerful on your TV screen doesn’t he? But once the cameras aren’t rolling chances are he doesn’t have that big grin on his face.

I can give you a show if you want, but it’ll be fake. I’ll tell you right now that it would be a complete lie and while I’m at it, I’ll also tell you to waste your money on this “super awesome product” that I got for free but in reality sucks horribly… but I won’t. Like I said, I don’t have that natural on camera personality where I can light up in front of a camera. I’m not comfortable doing so and I think people should respect that. Some people need to be aware that for a lot of people, how they act in front of an inanimate object like a camera, especially alone with no camera crew around, will be different to when they are communicating with an actual person.

I also want to put out there that just because someone is smiling does not necessarily make them happy and a person who is not smiling does not mean they are depressed. Not everything on the outside is as it seems. Ever read about people who were shocked to find out their friendly neighbor was a serial killer? Let’s not be too superficial here.

In conclusion, I’m not looking to be some kind of internet star. I just like to share any information I know and that’s that. I’m a private person, so I’m not going to throw a bunch of vLogs and videos of me prancing around out there to boost my ego. I’ve taken the liberty to block anyone who expresses their discontent for my dull personality.I don’t want to further torture anyone if they feel that way. Either you’re too ditsy, too cold, too dramatic, or too boring. I’ve accepted that no matter who you are and what you do, there will always be people who disagree with you. Even religious figures and deities get criticized so who’s to say mere mortals are ever immune? I’m not going to fake who I am because not only will I be lying to myself and others, I still won’t satisfy everyone. If you genuinely want to know more about me, you are more than welcome to follow my blog, where I sometimes share my thoughts. That’s as personal as it gets if you ask me. It’s not anything to gossip about, because that’s just not me. If you’re looking for an entertaining and spunky webshow like iCarly, sorry but I can’t offer that.

Being as Black Friday is coming up and people are getting ready for the deals, I figure now would be an appropriate time to have a discussion about the whole controversy about sponsored or paid reviews on Youtube, contests, and Black Friday shopping.

As some of you may know, as of December 1, the FTC requires that [American] bloggers must disclose payments or items received for free when doing a review or risk a fine. I assume this also extends to video bloggers aka “Youtube Gurus”. Some people who have raised the point that major publications, like magazines, do not have to follow the new regulation, which is unfair. It should apply to everyone. I have read that with publications, the products they review are sent back, so no one keeps anything whereas bloggers usually keep the products they receive so there’s personal interest involved. It sounds reasonable now.

Personally, this doesn’t really affect me. I’ve only been offered free products like… twice and have never been paid or given commission to endorse a product. I’m just not commercial and if I were a company, I probably wouldn’t bother giving anything to me either when there are obviously plenty of more people who seem eager out there. Some people are willing to give positive reviews, even if they don’t like the product, in order to maintain a good relationship with a company. I already own more than enough makeup so I have no benefit to do that. If I kiss ass to a company that has crappy products, I’ll just end up being sent more crap, which will just end up cluttering my limited living space. If quality brands like MUFE, MAC, NARS, Illamasqua, Urban Decay, and Too Faced want to send me products, go right on ahead! Now those are free products I wouldn’t mind getting, seeing as I already spend money on them anyway.

If I were given free products though, I’d have no problem putting it out there that I didn’t pay for it. If I liked the product, I’d talk about it. If I don’t, then I wouldn’t speak of it. Here’s how I see it, if you get invited over for dinner and and the food sucks, you probably wouldn’t confront the cook and say it. It’s kind of the same deal here. A company is giving you these products in hopes that you will talk about it to gain exposure. It would be pretty messed up if you in turn tell everyone how horrible it is, although it wouldn’t be a bad idea to just tell the company in private why you didn’t like their product. If they are a professional company, they will thank you for the feedback. If they get nasty, well, then that’s not a company you want to refer people to anyway.

In general I try to stray away from negative video reviews even if I paid for the product. The exception is if the product is so awful that I feel the world must know how bad it is. Negative reviews just bring out the crazies who get super offended and sometimes downright nasty if you dislike something that they use. I don’t really get it though. I’m not going to get butt hurt and name call if someone dislikes Stila Smudgepots or Cargo blushes…

I’ve seen a lot of people out there voicing their opinion over the fact that people on Youtube are sponsored or being paid for their reviews which therefore produces biased opinions. Some will say that regardless, their reviews are unbiased, but come on now, you can’t control your unconscious. If you could, then it wouldn’t be unconscious now would it? Getting a product for free or being paid to talk about it is going to make you biased, whether you are fully aware of it or not. Now I don’t have anything against such reviews. I just think people should disclose that it was given to them, etc. (as will be required) to make viewers or readers aware and take whatever they want from it.

I find it annoying when someone who has been given a free product overly praises it. “OMG it’s sooooo good and the colour is soooo awesome”. LOL, let’s be real here. It’s a black eyeshadow, how awesome can the colour be? Also, people who will hint that they purchased certain items when they were obviously gratis. Why go out to hide it? But what bothers me more is when the product wasn’t even given a fair chance yet it’s still “Sooo awesome”. There are certain items where you know you love it or it’s not going to work out by using it just once, but there are others that need more than a day for you to form an opinion about it. I think it’s careless and unfair to recommend a product and praise how great it is when it was hardly even used.

I’m a person who’s big on integrity. Youtube is not my profession. It’s just something I do for fun on my off time so I’m not going to sell myself out for some free lip gloss. I’m not selling myself that low. If someone offered to buy me a home or pay for my tuition I’d definitely consider… (Don’t lie, you would too!) There are people who genuinely trust my input so I’m not going to intentionally take advantage of that trust.

“Okay, so you’re trying to say you’re not a sell out but you are a Youtube partner…” I’m going to be making my videos regardless so why not make a little extra money while doing it? Some people say “it’s all about the money” but in my case, it’s not. I can’t speak for others but with the amount of views I get, I’m better off working a minimum wage job for one day out of the month if money is the motive here. I’m not going to cheat my views. I’m not going to ask you to rate, comment, and subscribe. If you like it, cool, if you don’t, you could try looking at something else.

NOW, with all that being said, the problem isn’t just with people who write reviews or post videos on the internet. Readers and viewers are in it too. I have witnessed many people who brown nose those who throw contests just for the sake of free shit. People who actually don’t like you but will fake it so they can get something from you, people who will subscribe for a contest only to unsubscribe later because they didn’t like your videos to begin with, people who say how awesome you are then turn around saying how annoying you are when they don’t win anything. It’s interesting how a contest video gets the most hits, comments, and 5 star ratings, when another video from the same user, which is actually a lot more informative and takes more effort to make, gets a lot less attention. Hm…

There was this contest awhile ago where you had to make a video. There were two prizes. Everyone was telling this Youtube user how great of a person she was then when it came time to announce the winners, she was late. Not much time was given until the hate comments started to flood in. People were talking smack about her looks, her accent, etc. and I’m pretty sure these were thoughts that were already in people’s minds but when she was giving out free makeup, no one said anything… Instead of wondering if she was okay, people were just concerned about the prizes. This user had many videos made prior to the contest which were very helpful and informative. I personally don’t believe that she would do all that just so she can later intentionally screw people over with a contest. Of course all the time and effort spent on those videos didn’t matter anymore to people.

People were actually saying things like “She better have had an STD or something if it’s taking her this long”. SERIOUSLY? I couldn’t believe it. All over makeup… Money and free stuff really brings out the ugly in people. The amazing part was that someone who entered actually made another account just so they can talk trash and not have it affect their entry. Really? If you’re expressing extreme hate towards this person, you’d still smile and hand out your hand if they gave you something huh? I’d bet you’d thank her and overly express your “gratitude” also…

I made a video entry myself and I was more concerned about what was going on with her than the contest. It only took 10 minutes of my time and I didn’t care about the prizes anymore. It’s just makeup, move on. In the end she closed her account and I never heard from her again. I probably would have done the same thing. Why go through giving items to people who wished you had an STD, thought you were ugly, and had a bad accent all along? This is why in my past giveaways, I’ve made sure to state that I don’t have a specific time that I announce winners. It will get done eventually on my own time so I’m not pressured. If that’s not okay, don’t enter. I think that’s fair enough. Unfortunately there’s no sure way to separate the greedy people from the supportive ones.

And now we move along to Black Friday. Lots of sales, people camping out in the cold, traffic, large crowds, not spending quality time with family, pushing, shoving, trampling others to death, and fighting. All for what? I would understand more if people where fighting each other gladiator style over food if there’s a huge famine. It’s one thing to want to save money on things like rent/mortgage and bills, but for a $20 DVD player or $5 off an iPod? No thanks. I’ll save myself the anxiety. I don’t do well with large uncontrolled crowds and just thinking about it is making me nauseous. Any shopping I need to do for the holidays will be done online. As for myself, I only want one item, which is a coat from Guess. I’ve been waiting for that to go on sale. That’s it. I don’t need anything else. I’ve recently learned to only buy things that I love and not just a bunch of random items just because they were cheap. You buy one $10 shirt that was okay and eventually you end up with $100 worth of shirts that you don’t love when you could have gotten that one $50 blouse that you’ve been drooling over for months and you know you will wear it all the time.

So what I’m trying to get at is that I don’t believe people should be giving up their morality and integrity for the sake of getting free makeup, a good deal on a furby, etc. because in the end, all those are inessential items. Almost everyone has a vice and for many people, it’s materialism. I don’t think it’s wrong as long as it’s not all one’s life is revolved around and the person is aware of it. Being ignorant of the fact is dangerous because what will happen when these tangible items are gone? There has to be something else of value or life will have no meaning left. If you can get something, good for you, but don’t stab someone over it because in the end, you don’t NEED it.

1. Cargo Tonga blush – I am really falling in love with Cargo blushes. They really don’t get the credit they deserve. All their blushes are so finely milled and easy to blend. I’ve been straying away from frosty blushes and I’ve learned that I really really like matte blushes or blushes with a matte base with shimmer in them. Tonga is such a natural colour. It’s great when you’re not wearing makeup as it gives a flush of life to the face

2. N.Y.C. (New York Colour) Roll on lipgloss – YEAH! I randomly purchased this for the sake of memories. I remember I CHERISHED this lipgloss so I wanted to see how I felt about it now. I used this stuff in grade school in the same scent (Banana Berry) and I know N.Y.C. is usually seen as a kiddie brand but this is great! It has all kinds of oils in it so it’s super moisturizing. Not sticky and thick AT ALL. Plus it’s only $1.99!

3. Japonesque Blush Brush – I noticed that I’ve been applying my blushes with this brush exclusively. No more MAC 187. It’s a perfect size for the cheeks and feels sooooo soft! I love the Japonesque squirrel hair brushes. This is a flat blush brush so you first tap the blush onto the cheeks and then sweep. “Pat pat sweep”. I had initially bought this brush for all over powder application, which didn’t turn out too well, but things worked out for the best! Ulta recently had a BOGO free on Japonesque so you can get them for cheap during a promo!

4. Cargo Blu_Ray – I bought this a while back and for some reason neglected to use it. Why???!!! It’s awesome! So finely milled, blendable, and a gorgeous soft subtle colour. I think it’s becoming my favorite blush!

I guess the first time I really used makeup on my own free will was during the tween years where almost about every other girl wore lipsmackers lip-balm, roller glosses (my favorite were from N.Y.C.!), and glitter gels smeared all over the face I had a green tube from lip smackers and it smelled like kiwi

I started wearing makeup on a daily basis when I was in the seventh grade. My staple was liquid liner. My mom would actually help me in the morning to apply it! I also wore dark brown lip liner with plain lip gloss on top. Yes, the chola look. Hey, it’s not my fault! This was the look for the area and time I lived in, I was just doing what the other girls were doing lol.

I tried using foundation at the end of seventh grade. It was from Neutrogena and it smelled and felt disgusting. I didn’t need foundation at all. I only used it because my best friend wears it and I wanted to be like her or something lol. That really put me off of liquid foundations. I tried wearing foundation again junior year when Sephora first started carrying Bare Minerals. Then I moved on to Everyday Minerals. Only until about a year ago did I try liquid foundation again which I like. I only wear Make Up For Ever foundations. They’re great!

I started getting creative with my makeup thanks to this one event. Ulta once had a buy one get one free sale on URBAN DECAY!!! It was awesome. It was the first and only time that’s ever happened. This was in 2005. Being the teen that I was, I was always drawn to Urban Decay products because of their edgy packaging and fun colours. I bought A TON of products! Probably $200 worth. Urban Decay was a bit cheaper then too. Each shadow ended up being about $7 after the BOGO. I’ve always waited for that sale again, but I heard that’s it’s never going to happen because it didn’t do as well as Ulta or Urban Decay hoped it would.

So I would say that I actually started off with Urban Decay rather than MAC as most people in the online beauty community are. Urban Decay always has a special place in my heart. I’ll forever be an UD girl! Most of my eyeshadows are probably from Urban Decay and I love love love their liquid liners!

I got into MAC when I started driving at 16. Honestly, I liked shopping at Sephora rather than department stores because I liked the more casual atmosphere. I didn’t like having to deal with an associate or artist one to one. I was especially intimidated by the MAC counter. My balls finally dropped and I bought my first MAC products! My first lipsticks were high tea and freckletone, my first eyeshadow was beauty marked, and my first lipgloss was c-thru. For a while, I was using only MAC because I found out that some of the shadows I bought were exact dupes to some UD shadows I had. I wanted to be exclusive to one brand so that I can remember what colours I owned. Now though, I use UD again because I am better at remembering what I own regardless of brand.

In high school, I wore bold and bright makeup or full blown smokey black panda eyes. I honestly was in my own little world and had no idea that a stripper smokey eye wasn’t appropriate for school. I just wore what I wanted! I came to the realization that I couldn’t wear whatever bold makeup I wanted when I started college. That was the first time I practiced how to do “neutral” looks. I’ve never worn them. Prior to that, it was all drama baby!

I like using MAC the most because of the price for quality. Compared to other high end brands, MAC is inexpensive. They have a wide range of colours, finishes, and products suitable for anyone. I also like that I can get a free lipstick, gloss, or shadow if I have six empty recyclable MAC containers. This is why I like MAC a bit more than Urban Decay. Urban Decay is a bit more expensive and they don’t have a program like b2m where you get a free product. Another one of my favorite brands is Make Up For Ever which is only available at Sephora in the states as of now. Their foundations are fantastic and all their products are pro quality. I have a bit of NARS as well. Their glosses are my favorite and their blushes are nice as well. My collection consists of mostly MAC, Urban Decay, and NARS with other brands here and there.

HOWEVER, that does not include blogging here on this website! I like writing on here (though I haven’t been doing so lately). Regardless of where I am, I’ll always have my notebook! I also like doing reviews on here much much more than doing videos about products, so this is a great opportunity to do that more often. Plus, I paid for two years of hosting ha So get ready for more entries on here YAY

By the way, my best friend is going overseas during the summer to teach children English. Then she is going to travel the world for the rest of the summer. Gawd, I feel like such a loser. Sup quarter life crisis.

My goal was to not visit the emergency room this year… FAIL.
(the following entry is not suitable for the sensitive minded)

If you are a guy, imagine the pain and nausea when kicked in the testicles… but it doesn’t go away

First, I was constipated even though I’ve been having  I was having lower abdominal pain and sharp pains through the rectum like I was going to give birth through my ass or something. It was so painful that I had to grab on to something. Then I had what I like to call “fart constipation” where I have intense pressure and gas but can’t pass it. Not painful, but really uncomfortable. The next day, the rectal pain seemed to go away but I still had the lower abdominal pain. I had to hunch over while walking because it felt better that way. I also had diarrhea, which I never get unless I have food poisoning. I thought that there was something wrong with my appendix but supposedly that’s not an issue. I had urine, blood, and cervix tests done but I guess everything seemed normal. The doctor was actually going to send me home but I persuaded him that there had to be an answer for my pain. So, he had me get an ultrasound and they found out that I have some ovarian cysts that ruptured and there was moderate internal bleeding. First they use this instrument like those things you see being used on pregnant women. When the sonographer found out I had cysts, she used this dildo thing (lol!) to take a closer look. The ER doctor told me that the blood probably irritated my other organs, which is why I’ve been having those other issues.

I guess it’s non life threatening and no emergency surgery is needed, so I was sent home. The doctor prescribed me some Vicodin. I’m supposed to see the OB/GYN for followups… or whatever. It feels like I’m going through menopause or something. I’m having hot flashes!

I’ve been spending the last week just laying down and watching Rocko’s Modern Life and the Simpsons on the internet. What was funny was that I was watching this episode of The Simpsons and Bart was coming up with a ton of excuses to avoid taking a test. He said, “Oh! My ovaries!”. I laughed so hard but it also hurt doing so!

This sucks man. I feel more pain knowing that something inside me ruptured and I have internal bleeding. That’s what psychology will do to ya!

Here’s a random gesture drawing that I like. It’s crooked, but it’s one of my best lol. Probably because it deals with geometric shapes and I’m better with those

Vine Charcoal on newsprint paper

Line drawing on Strathmore paper in pencil

Sanguine, compressed charcoal, and white conté on gray Canson paper. This thing seriously took me 10 hours!

1. I never use the drive through for anything. Fast food, ATMs, Starbucks, never! You know when you first get your license, your driving still isn’t all that great. There I was, newly licensed, and my first endeavor driving by myself was to go to Carls Jr. and get my dad a burger. So I go to the drive-through and was too far away for my short arms to give the person the money. It was embarrassing, and since then, I’ve always parked to get fast food. I don’t get fast food often anyway. When I do, it’s usually McDonald’s breakfast (mmm hash browns), however, I rarely bother to sacrifice the extra 15 minutes out of my morning routine to get McDonalds I know Burger King has veggie burgers, but to be honest, the veggie burgers I make are more delicious

2. I never carry any cash on me. In the event that I do have cash, I try to deposit it whenever I can. I find cash to be too time consuming to handle, especially when you get coins back. I use my Visa for everything, even for $1 purchases (because I just don’t have cash!). I do carry about $10 on me sometimes, just in case.

3. I do not know how to work a lighter or light matches. Yes, seriously. I sort of have a fear of fire. When I have to do labs that require a burner, I have someone else start it for me. I’m fine with gas stoves though. You can assume that I don’t smoke anything. I wouldn’t know how to light it lol.

4. I used to play the violin when I was younger. I had violin lessons I think once a week, for two years. Obviously I’m not a violin prodigy. I had two choices, violin or piano. Stupid me wanted to be “unique” and play the violin. Now I could care less about it. I wish I played the piano instead. Now I see all these amazing piano song covers on Youtube and I’m so jealous. I think the piano is my favorite instrument to listen to. It just sounds so beautiful. My goal is to one day learn how to play the piano, even if I have to wait until I retire. (photo above is a frame from The Fray’s “You Found Me” video)

5. I never drink diet sodas. People who drink diet sodas are such weenies. If you’re going to drink soda, go for the good stuff! If I wanted the carbonation without calories, I’d just drink club soda, which I find to be much more tasty than diet sodas. Every diet soda I’ve tried makes me feel sick. On that note, I wanted to add that I can not drink Dr. Pepper. It’s so gross!

By the way, I’m not sure if it’s me, but I’ve been drinking soda recently, and they taste more flat than they used to. Fresh out of a can too. The only reason soda is awesome is because of the carbonation. I wonder if sodas aren’t carbonated as much anymore or maybe my taste buds are dying I just talked to a friend about it too and she thought the same thing. Hmm…

6. Alright, I’m adding one more. Didn’t want to let another random fact go to waste Anyway, I am very anal about keeping my computer and emails organized. Things that are unused get deleted. Everything is in folders. Emails are labeled. A cluttered desktop drives me insane I need a good amount of unused disk space to be present at all times.

The instructor went around critiquing everyone's work publicly and said that my drawings looked like sausages LOL. I couldn't help but laugh but I guess I was the only one that found it funny. Either everyone is being polite or they are art majors that are taking things seriously. I'm mainly there for shits and giggles. Don't get me wrong, I want to do well too! After all, this class does have an effect on my GPA.

Here's the stuff I did this week! We were drawing "gestures", objects in "motion" or something like that...


I practiced drawing lines with the charcoal and then circles.
The "sausages" on the bottom are supposed to be a person with a scarf lol.

So then I tried to make them look less "sausagy" and more stick like ha.

Here's a guy with a broom

Woman with guitar and two females with umbrella and guitar

Mannaquins and stuff

The bottom sketch looks different. That's because someone else finished my picture. The instructor made us move one spot down and complete what the person worked on. LOL the person next to me is a great artist and drew something really nice but I fucked it up! At first she lightly sketched a table so I started tracing over it, then adding hetchmarks to a hat, but then I ran out of ideas so I had to actually start drawing The purpose was to introduce another person's perspective to your work. When I went back I had to apologize to her. "I'm SOOOOOOO sorry!!!!!!!!!" She was being very nice and polite about it but I bet you her heart sunk when she saw what I did to her paper ha.

:]

Oh yes, come join me on SocialVibe and support MUSIC FOR RELIEF! I get a chance to meet Linkin Park and you can get a chance to win free MAC or whatever else you choose. It’s a charity thing too so WIN, WIN, WIN!

lol

Yeah, I’m that unhip. Stereotypically, our roles should be reversed.